For some of you…you don't know my story. The beautiful thing…is that through these past 3 years…I've come to understand that this is not my story…but His story…showing what He can and will do…with brokenness. So like I said…some of you don't know this story…well…
Here It Is!
(Disclaimer: this story is not being shared to boast of anything that I have done. This story is being shared because God changed my life…and put a fire inside me to share the beauty of this journey with Him. My prayer…is that this brings you encouragement and hope. The same God…that loves me: #1593796…loves YOU...more than you can possibly imagine)
Looking back at when I got out:
3 years ago I had a choice...hide...or let His light shine. At the beginning...I admit...this is what I had to say to Him:
'God, why would You want to use me?'
Then I got scared, saying...
'No! don't use me! Please!! If You do...then people will see how ugly I am.'
'God...don't, don't!! I'm too weak. I will fail You!'
But now...I realize why I was so worried if people actually heard my story... Because, at that time, I believed the lies that the enemy kept trying to feed me...that my sins...defined me. May I never go back to believing that.
Rundown:
So here's the rundown. August 11, 2009…I started a journey…I never thought would happen. At the time…I was actually hoping I would simply die. I was sentenced to 2 years in prison for counterfeiting. I say what I was in for...for a reason. You see...that word...was more than just a word to describe what sent me to prison...it defined what my life was...all up to that point...counterfeit.
I would seek life in every place except the One place where Life actually resided. I said I believed. I even went to church on Sundays. Sure...I cried during the sermons...but I didn't realize I needed Him enough to actually do anything about it. So...my heart just kept crying...as I kept seeking life...really...death...out in the world.
Off and on...mostly on...for about 10 years...from 99-2009...I was addicted to painkillers. After my first car accident in 99...I fell in love. Crazy right?!?! Well...that addiction...led my heart that much deeper into the pit. It got to the point...where I would wake up in the morning...turn to my bedside table...pop a pill...then I wouldn't get out of bed until the painkiller started to take effect. It was my armor... It's what made me feel ok...to face the world.
Fast forward to August 11, 2009…I got sentenced to 2 years in prison. 4-6 months in…I was granted parole. It wasn't until I acted like a fool 2 weeks before getting paroled…that my eyes were opened. My parole was revoked and I was shipped to a unit in Huntsville, to a high security wing. That was when God sat me down and spoke to my heart. "Marco, I've been trying to get your attention your whole life. You always thought you knew better. I love you. Please understand that. I have something so much better for you…if you would just trust Me. Take My hand…let Me lead you forward."
So…what the enemy meant for my destruction…(drug addiction...leading to getting sentenced to prison and now locked up with murderers, rapists and drug dealers)…God used as a stepping stone...to get me where I am today.
A lot can happen in 3 years.
I Look at children. At first...they just rest in their parents' arms. Then, they start to crawl. They still enjoy resting in their parents arms. Then...they start to run. As they grow...they grow stronger. They trust that their parents will take care of them.
You see...it's been 3 years. (Please understand this next part is not boasting in any form or fashion about anything that I have done or could do...just simply showing what God does...what His Love, Spirit and Word does.) At first...when I was in High Security...I decided to read the Bible each day. Keep in mind...I Did NOT want to. At first...it felt like doing homework for a subject everyone else told me I needed to learn...but had no desire to do the 'work.' I use that phrase on purpose...because I thought that reading the Bible...was work. I had to force myself to do it. But then...an incredible thing happened. You see...His Word...IS LIVING AND ACTIVE. He continued to work on my heart. I began to want to read the Bible. Then…I started believing what it said. It told me who He is - Our Loving Shepherd, Great Physician, Lover of our souls. He is our Faithful Father who saw that His children needed rescuing…and did what Love does…He Acted. He sent His One and Only Son to come down to earth…to Live In Love…Die For Love…and be Raised from the dead, conquering sin and death…making a way for us to be with Him…FOR ETERNITY!!
What's soo incredible...is that when I went back into a prison a few weeks ago...giving the message...God brought that same subject up. I word it that way...because that's exactly what happened. You see...Marco...had plans. I wanted to impress these inmates. I wanted to put together the greatest sermon ever. I mean...it was to be my first one...so why not start off with a bang...right? Wrong. You see...God is still working on/in me...and even through each worship night that I have at our house each month...He continues to show me the beauty in stepping aside...and simply allowing Him to use me...as His instrument...playing...what touches the hearts of His children. So...in all my preparation for my 'Best sermon ever'...He gently reminded me...that it's not about me. Certain circumstances arose the days coming up to that Saturday I was to go into the prison. I had great notes made over the month while preparing...but something happened....aside from the fact that I couldn't make 'my' notes come together to form, in my head, a great message. (I actually laugh at this now...as I see how beautifully He gathered the pieces together.) I had left my notebook at work the day before... And then...as my excitement overtook me...I totally forgot that I couldn't take my phone in…(which was the second place my notes were). Soo...I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt...that God had other plans...and His plans were Higher than my plans. So...we get there...I set up my keyboard and then start to pray as the inmates are doing a Bible study. I am overcome by the most incredible peace I've never experienced.
'Its ok...I'm here. Trust Me.'
My heart breathes some of the most beautiful breaths it's ever breathed...as I realize He IS in control...and I Trust Him. The time comes and I take the stage...
'My name…is #1593796.' (Silence…and then the inmates begin to applaud...I am one of them.)
'My name is…ex-drug addict...ex-alcoholic...ex-porn addict...felon... Is that what defines me?' Several voices proclaim 'No!'
My reply...'Yes, you're right. But so many times when we look in the mirror...that's exactly what we see.'
I went on talking about where our identity truly comes from...and the hope that we Truly have because of our Savior, Jesus, The Risen Christ. We were both laughing and crying...(the inmates...our team...and myself)...and this was all before I even started to play and sing. I say that...for a specific reason. The songs...I knew. I wrote them with Him. But the words I spoke on stage...were not my words. Marco had stepped aside and was used as His instrument...speaking to His precious daughters...reminding them...that they are loved, precious, and worth it.
I truly hope you understand the gravity of what this story says. God used...a broken man...an ex-drug addict, ex-alcoholic, ex-porn addict...to tell His daughters that their hope is from Him...and no institution, sin, or hurt done to them can take away the hope that comes from what Jesus did on the cross for them.
Here...I'll say it another way. God used...a new creation...to tell his sisters...who don't realize they are precious in God's eyes...that they ARE precious in His eyes...giving them a message that came from His Word...that they are Loved...Jesus came to save them...His grace is here to wash them...and His Spirit is here to guide them forward.
(Now…in the following...I'm not meaning to sound like I'm using self-defeating talk...I'm simply stating a fact)
If God...can take me(all that I've described...which is not all that I've done wrong)...and use me to encourage my brothers and sisters...as well as the lost, scared and broken...pointing to The Only Hope that doesn't falter, fade...but stays the same...Unmatchable Sovereign Lord of All...
What makes you think...that He can't use you?
My prayer...is that you take some time and thank Him. You may not know what is around the corner...but He does. You may not know how He could turn your situation around...but that's what He does...Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" He has called...may we listen. May we allow His Love to continue breaking chains, silencing lies, calming fears...and lead us forward...in wonder.
Thank you for your time. I love you all
